A few minutes before the "are you looking for the sexiest person in America? " corpse parade begins ---
Premiere at ABC on Thursday night-our host, J. D.
Roberto announced, "This is a program to cut the chase.
"After watching people sit on the beach and cook rice for nearly three years, it sounds interesting.
"You won't hear any bad version of the Alyssa Franklin song," Roberto promised us . ".
"You will not be forced to endure any mediocre position --
Because we don't care if you can dance, sing or tell jokes.
One thing we want to know: "Are You Hot ? " It's not that Lorenzo Lamas's show needs anything else to recommend, it's a good start and people's expectations end up with all the false excuses removed!
No dates, no camping, no trips around the world, no talent competitions, no vacation to Hawaii with former classmates or companions --beens.
No false seriousness, no big decision to make, no face or mud painting
Wrestling, bungee jumping or kneeling with a ring.
It's just a steady stream of flesh and blood, running for our awakening, confusion and judgment.
Because if the last three years of reality show teach us one thing, it is that we don't care so much about reality, talent, survival, and millionaires.
Finally, we just want to point it out and laugh at it.
At this point alone, "Are You Hot? " is certainly good at it.
The whole show seems to include a stage, a group of young hot girls from "hot areas 1: Northeast" and three celebrities --
Judges of Ish: "Star fashion designer" Randolph Duke, supermodel Rachel Hunter, and Lorenzo Lamas, an international fan.
In the spirit of chasing, a few seconds after we met our judges, the hot people began to take to the stage as a film --
Style voice introduces each one. "A 19-year-
Old retail sales assistant from Richfield, Minnesota. --Ann Swancutt!
"A tall and beautiful blonde came towards us and stood under two bright signs, waiting for the verdict, and she was drawing blood.
Roberto growled, "What is the judge's decision on Ann ? " The "no" sign lights up. "Not . . . hot. Sorry, Ann. Goodbye.
Ann walked quickly and looked disappointed. Wait a second.
Ann is not hot, but there is no time to mourn Ann's death because there is already a strong young whip behind her, eager for a chance for him to be sorted into a proper pile.
This dazzling snapshot
Until we have eight men and eight women left, when all the people are super hot, the judgment wheel is still going on.
Nevertheless, it is not as exciting as it sounds;
Somehow, most of them only manage the boring sex you find in Sears catalog models and owl waitresses, not that disturbing movie --
Make your knee weak star sexy and make your George Clooneys and your Penelope Cruise sexy.
This is absurd, of course.
We are not the country of George Clooney, so we should be content to point out and laugh at the fully attractive humans currently offered for this purpose, and in the next round all will take off their swimsuits.
But that doesn't help, our judges don't treat the swimsuit with the campy obnoxiousness it deserves, but instead seem keen to use the ego to dissect the fatal flaws of each contestant
Seriousness of cancer surgeons
The first finalist, 25. year-
An Old Executive Office manager named Melinda from Pittsburgh looks sexy but wears a teensy bikini. Designer-to-the-
Star Randolph Duke was soon on par with her.
"Look, you need to reinforce the body a little bit.
I know you guys love these sexy packages but I see too much jitter.
Melinda, can you turn around for me ? " She turned around and revealed a perfect back.
The camera was enlarged, but Duke found the next defect.
He barked "who made the hat ".
Melinda stutters, "Actually, they're tied up by a cosmetic dentist in Atlanta," and "it's too big to take them down.
The Duke announced.
"I think the face is 7.
I'm sorry, my teeth have been buckled.
But you look sexy.
I'm sorry, I gave her seven points.
5. She needs to be a little firm.
Overall, though, she is a sexy woman.
"It's incredible that this program continues to do so, and every gene-blessed player stands in half --
Solemnly nodded naked on the stage, it seems that he or she gave valuable feedback on "body" and "face" and the extent to which he or she "sold" or "sold" to have it in detail.
"The thighs are a bit too much," Lamas told a girl in a condescending tone of the high school vice president.
Hunter said to a young Fabio, "You're too strong . ""It's too ape . . . gorilla-looking.
"Before you come out, you know what soft gel you might want to put in your bra," Duke said to a beautiful, dark man --haired girl.
"I hope everything is real! All natural!
"She shouted, but the crowd booed when the camera was very close --
On her little breasts.
Later, Lamas taught a tall blonde how to stand.
"Can you please put your legs together and put your heels together to face me.
Put your heels together now.
I tip you.
Squeeze your thighs tight.
He put a green laser indicator on the inside of her thigh.
"You know what, Kelly, you got nine points.
For me, on the body, because somewhere between the hip and the knee, your legs have to be in contact.
He said who he is looking up a reference book about the heat that only international fans know about, "there is a big gap there," he announced, last and sorry.
Next, another woman was told by the crowd, "I don't feel much sexual energy.
I think it might be because you're a little nervous. . . " "I'm half-
Naked in front of the audience!
She replied that it was interesting, except after watching beautiful young people one after another receive serious instructions on how to shape their looks in line with some arbitrary ideals, it's hard not to feel completely uncomfortable.
And then it all came back again. -
Cut to chase, jump directly to the danger of good things.
Chasing is like sex without foreplay.
It's like eating only hamburgers and milkshakes a week, or a movie with only action scenes and no plot.
Like when you were 13, you tried to eat a whole bag of these little doughnuts and you thought it would be a peak experience and then all your new shoes spit out.
Sure enough, by the end of the show, the darkness has begun, and now it looks like a dirty good time, not just cruel, superficial and disgusting, but completely disturbing, terrible reflection of the times, it may even be a bad sign, like the taste of the barbarian fire in the distance before the fall of Rome.
When Roberto told those who were cut, "I'm sorry, you're not hot enough to go on," it sounds like he's telling them that they 'd better finish it now.
If these half-god people with genes are not hot enough to continue, it is clear that we will become weak.
A long time ago, the audience with teeth at home should have left themselves.
In the end, "Are You Hot? " is unique in reality shows because it allows viewers to change from childlike joy to suicidal thoughts in less than an hour.
Cut into the topic all the way.